4 Ways to Feel More Loved

4 Ways to Feel More Loved

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Posted by: Think Simple Now
17 Aug 2015 12:00 AM PDT

Every school day, mere seconds after the lunch bell would ring, my peers and I would pile into long tables in the cafeteria and eagerly examine the contents of our lunch boxes. Aside from the much anticipated fifteen minutes of recess that would follow, most saw it as the most exciting part of the day.

Not for me.

I already knew what was in my bag, seeing as how I was the one who packed it. And, starting from the young age of six, my main goal in packing my lunch had more to do with speed then creating a culinary masterpiece.

My mom wouldn’t spend an extra five minutes cutting off the crusts of my PB&J or writing me a note on a napkin reminding me to have a great day. That just wasn’t her thing.

Instead, she poured her energy into:

Talking me through the endless list of issues I encountered throughout my adolescenceEditing every essay I wroteCarting me from gymnastics to art class to dance class depending on what I was currently intoSharing my accomplishments in mass emails sent to friendsAlways, always showing up when I needed herUnique Displays of Love

She had her own unique way of showing me that she loved me deeply, and it didn’t involve batches of chicken noodle soup when I was sick or pre-planned birthday parties.

But it was the absence of those small things that I paid attention to for years. At the time, I didn’t stop to think that everyone has their own way of expressing and accepting love.

This realization, while already floating around somewhere in my subconscious, came to the surface again just the other day.

Social media has a way of painting the lives of our peers in a rosy light, only exposing the highlights that they want us to see:

The engagementsThe birthday partiesThe big vacations

Most don’t take to Facebook to share photos of themselves signing divorce papers or to give a play-by-play of their totally average day. Yet, it’s easy to forget that we never see the complete picture.

So, at the time, I was swimming in thoughts of “Why doesn’t my relationship and, “Why doesn’t he ever do any grand gestures for me?”

Easy to Overlook

Then, out of the blue, he asked for my car keys and brought my car back, scrubbed, vacuumed and just like new.

Later in the week he plowed through the pile of laundry that had been accumulating and finished every last sock.

Two days ago he agreed to make homemade spaghetti for my dad’s 60th birthday while the rest of the family enjoyed the festivities.

He was showing me that he cared by making my life easier, taking over tasks I was dreading — all without being pushed or prodded to do so. The normalcy of the gestures made them easy to overlook, but the thought and the love behind them made them extremely significant if I was willing to notice.

The truth is, those around us don’t need to communicate their love exactly like we do. We can still feel the connection if we are willing to take stock of their love language — how they express and take in love.

Here are four ways that you can proactively notice and create more love in your life.

1. Notice the Details

While grand gestures can do wonders in making us feel special, sometimes love resides in the little things that we don’t normally associate with love — your partner changing the windshield wipers on your car, your friend tagging along to an work event you couldn’t stomach alone.

It’s the intention — not always the action or end result — that can say love.

2. Make Note of What You Can Do

It may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes we aren’t feeling love because we aren’t expressing love — yes, they work hand in hand.

Doing things for others — the things you wish they would do for you — can put your relationship in a more loving space, encouraging a kind of reciprocal exchange. Not to mention the act of expressing love can create a lightness in your mood and your life.

I notice at times that the things I wish my partner would do to show he cares are the very things I have a hard time doing myself. I can’t blame him for the effort I’m not willing to put in.

3. Treat Each Relationship Differently

I have one friend who is extremely generous with her money, picking up the tab and buying tickets to events before I can even pull out my wallet. Another friend, despite months of not talking, would sit on the phone with me for hours while I hash out the issues I’m currently experiencing in my life.

Both are expressing love in their own unique way, based on a variety of factors:

Their personalityTheir upbringing

I wouldn’t expect either one to express their care in a different way; all I need to know is that they are expressing it.

4. Ask for What’s Important to You

Sometimes those around us don’t know how to show that they care because we don’t share what’s important to us.

My boyfriend is constantly trying to buy me gifts, but being the money-conscious person I am, I would rather not have him spend money on me in that way. He never understood why I would tell him not to buy me things until I explained that that simply wasn’t my love language.

It meant more to me to have him go to the art show he wasn’t entirely enthusiastic about, or drop everything to jump start my car when I absentmindedly left it running for three hours. Those were the things that told me he was in my corner.

But he didn’t know that until I told him. Communication is key.

Often times we are surrounded by love that goes unnoticed. Take stock of what you have right now in this moment — chances are, it’s more than you think.

“I am an AWESOME, conscious, aware, kind, loving, being!” -Matt Wolfe

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4 thoughts on “4 Ways to Feel More Loved

  1. Now that was a great one 🙂 You know movies ..books always make us feel love is some dreamy thing ..but when we are struck by reality ..we feel highly disappointed ..but the key is to accept each-other as they are ..and find the love in the little things they do for you 🙂 And very aptly said everyone has a different way of showering love 🙂 I use to always complain to my hubby because he is not adventurous like me and use to cite examples of my friends whose husbands where taking them out every now and then 🙂 But one day that friend with whom i was comparing called me up to tell the reality of her relation..they were on verge of divorce ..I was horror stuck by it 🙂 And thanked god that I am blessed to have husband who loves me enough to let me be me 🙂 Because of him I can enjoy my other passions as he makes sure that we have an healthy environment at home 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is an excellent book titled “Mastery of Love” and it talks about what we have in society is not love. It’s infatuation. How can you love another when you hate yourself? Before we can ever truly love another we must learn to love ourselves first. When we truly love ourselves, just as we are, and see ourselves as whole, perfect and complete, then our cup is overflowing. We have excess and love pours out of us. When 2 people truly understand the nature of love and they join hands, neither party is dependant on the other for love, but each habe so much excess to give the other. What you end up with is a partnership of unconditional love. I love my wife, as is, and that includes everything about here. She lives me, just as I am. We don’t try to change each other, we don’t play games, we barely have disagreements. But when we do we treat each other with the respect we deserve, and we communicate, and truly seek to be of service to the other. When both people come from abundance, the entire home is overflowing with love and abundance. It’s such a great book and hits in everything you are speaking into.

      Liked by 1 person

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